One of the biggest takeaways from my time in Japan is the desire I've gained to speak up for myself.
For two years I've lived in a culture that is undeniably polite. This is something I've come to greatly admire about the Japanese. It's one of the reasons that living here has been, and will always be, something I regard as comfortable.
However, once I made my decision to return stateside and not re-up my contract, I started to notice something about myself that I had been unwilling to recognize. I noticed that I had become an active participant in the politeness. And while I was proud of myself, I realized that by being polite I had let a lot of things, emotions, and feelings, go unspoken. I had kept them to myself because I was practicing what I learned in kindergarten which is, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."
For two contract years I have been polite. At school, I always displayed the desired emotions: happy or hungry. Rarely did I stray from those two. Occasionally I was tired because I ran the day before, or I was sad because I would be leaving my students. Besides special occasions, it's safe to assume that I was either happy or hungry, and so were my students.
For two contract years I practiced thinking before speaking and being patient. These are two qualities that I'm proud to practice, however for a while, they were the only two things I was focusing on. Everything else was secondary.
And I believe that is why this blog has been so important to me. It's been something I've kept up consistently. Not only has it been a way for me to document my experiences and encounters, but also a way to express everything that I didn't let myself say out loud. It's been my voice.
And I as prepare to leave Japan, I am looking forward to being stateside and introducing my politeness to my honest voice. As I wrote in my New Year's post, honesty is my theme for 2018. So as I transition stateside, I'll be making a conscience effort to allow my politeness and honest voice to coexist. Staying true to what I learned about myself during my first corporate job, I am not a one sided person. I maintain my middle ground stance because harmony is high on my list of values.
And that is why I believe I will be able to be honestly polite.
XOXO,
M
